How can I delete a vector element if I have a pointer to it, not an iterator?

Question

I'm having an issue with a child object needing its parent to destroy it. I want something like the following, it's just an example:

#include <iostream>
#include <vector>

struct Object
{
    Object(Object* parent) : parent(parent) {}
    Object* parent;
    std::vector<Object*> children;
    bool flag = false;
    void update() { if (flag) parent->deleteChild(this); } // Or mark it for deletion afterwards
    void deleteChild(Object* child) { delete child; /*children.erase(/* I need the iterator here);*/ }
};

int main()
{
    Object* parent = new Object(nullptr);
    for (int i = 0; i < 100; ++i) parent->children.push_back(new Object(parent));

    parent->children[42]->flag = true;

    for (auto i : parent->children) i->update();

    return 0;
}

If I keep track of the child's position in the vector I know how to do it, but I basically want to know how I can erase an element of a vector if I have a pointer to it.

Edit: AndyG was right all along, I can't do what I'm wanting because my Objects are all over the place in memory when I "new" it. I did manage to do it another way using placement new, creating the objects all in one contiguous buffer, but it's definitely not worth the trouble. I did learn a lot though.

#include <iostream>
#include <vector>

struct Object
{
    Object(Object* parent, int position) : parent(parent), numberPosition(position)
    {
        std::cout << "Constructing object number: " << numberPosition << " at at heap memory location: " << this << '\n';
    }

    Object* parent;
    int numberPosition = 0;
    std::vector<Object*> children;
    bool flag = false;
    void update() 
    { 
        if (flag) parent->deleteChild(this); 
    } 
    void deleteChild(Object* child) 
    { 
        Object* pChild = &(*child);
        ptrdiff_t position = child - *children.data();
        std::vector<Object*>::iterator it = children.begin() + position;
        std::cout << "About to delete vector element at position: " << (*it)->numberPosition << '\n';

        // delete pChild;   Not supposed to deallocate each placement new. See http://www.stroustrup.com/bs_faq2.html#placement-delete and https://stackoverflow.com/questions/222557/what-uses-are-there-for-placement-new
        std::cout << "Size of children vector = " << children.size() << '\n';
        children.erase(it);
        std::cout << "Size of children vector = " << children.size() << '\n';
    }
    ~Object() { std::cout << "Destroying object number " << numberPosition << '\n'; }
};

int main()
{
    Object* parent = new Object(nullptr, 0);
    char* contiguousBuffer = static_cast<char*>(malloc(100 * sizeof(Object)));
    for (int i = 0; i < 100; ++i)
    {
        Object* newAddress = new (contiguousBuffer + i * sizeof(Object)) Object(parent, i); // Placement new
        parent->children.push_back(newAddress);
    }

    parent->children[42]->flag = true;

    //for (auto i : parent->children) i->update();  // Iterator gets invalidated after erasing the element at 42 doing it this way
    for (int i = 0; i < parent->children.size(); ++i) parent->children[i]->update();


    free(contiguousBuffer); 
    // Destructors also need to be called

    return 0;
}

Answer 1

Unfortunately the only way to do it is to search through the vector like normal.

auto it = std::find(std::begin(children), std::end(children), child);

if (it != std::end(children)){
   children.erase(it);
   delete child;
}

Demo

Answer 2

Assuming the vector is not required to be sorted, then we can swap the child element to the end and then resize the vector. This method does not need to move all the element of the vector between child and the last element.

auto it = std::find(std::begin(children), std::end(children), child);

if (it != std::end(children)){
    std::iter_swap(children.rbegin(), it);
    children.resize(children.size() - 1);  
    delete child;
}